Little-Wonder.Net - Personal domain and blog of Brenda Tan

Last Friday, I auditioned for the Virtuoso ‘2009 Singing competition.

I chose not to mention this before because I was sick and tired of writing about my continuous epic singing endeavor failures. (Ironically, I yet again, writing about yet another epic failure – but that’s not the point.)

Basically, I was notified on Monday that I’ve cleared the audition and advanced to the Quarter Final, which was held today.

The comments from the judges during the first auditions were pretty promising. Basically, I could sing, and that my pitching and articulation were good. However, I had to work more on bringing out the emotional aspect of the song, and they wanted to see me sing something more challenging if they were to bring me back.

Today, I chose to sing Christina Aguilera’s ‘Come on Over (All I want is you)’.

Unfortunately, when it comes to this song – it’s either you nail it, or you don’t. It’s partially a powerhouse song, and of a moderately fast tempo. I was pretty confident I could pull it off, and dedicated at least two hours nightly to rehearse and prepare for today. Playing back the recordings I’ve made of myself, I can safely say that I’ve nailed it to my own expectations. Some rough edges occasionally, but they were few and far between. My voice control was pretty stable and needless to say, I was one happy girl.

Until I awoke this morning – quarter-final day, partially voiceless. I panicked a little, downing as much warm water as I could and doing loads of vocal warm-ups to bring everything back to speed. It worked … somewhat. My subsequent rehearsal rounds today were more or less up to expectations as well, and that was when I decided I was prepared enough and headed over to the stage for my round.

Perhaps it was because I haven’t sung public for some time, or for some other reason – I found myself getting increasingly nervous as my turn drew nearer to go onstage. To an extent that I hid in some corner to jump around frantically (safe from the prying eyes of the world) in a desperate bid to loosen myself up. Didn’t really work, unfortunately.

My turn came along, and I started singing. My voice was NOTICEABLY less stable than usual, so I tried to push more power into it.

Didn’t work.

I stole a peek at the judges and noticed that they were laughing amongst themselves. (In fact, they were laughing even before my turn came along. But when you’re up there on stage with all gazes on you, you’d feel increasingly self-conscious and cannot help but feel that they are laughing at you.) That was when my ego went flat like a burst balloon and my concentration wavered.

Then the worst happened.

I sung the wrong line. My voice tapered off and for about two or three seconds … there was silence. All that was on my mind at that moment was SHIT! SHIT! OH, SHIT!

Thankfully, I recovered fast enough and continued with the correct line. Knowing that I’ve already committed the biggest boo-boo in the realm of singing (forgetting one’s lyrics during a performance is tantamount to delivering an incomplete performance), I tried my very best to shut the audience (and the judges) out of my visual field and perfect the rest of my song.

Not as easy as it seems. That mother-big mistake has already taken a toll on my emotions, so I was basically only half-focused during the rest of my song.

The result? My pitching was all over the place (as I’ve noted when I replayed the video a friend recorded for me during my performance). I couldn’t push my voice as low as I was able to, resulting in several inaccurate notes.

Strangely, the judges said nothing about the pitching. (Although I am 100% certain they didn’t mention it as they didn’t want to seem overly critical.) They said I had groove, managed my stage movements well, and made a particularly strong, impactful ending to the song with my high note. (Ironically, that was the very same note that gave me most problems during my practice rounds.)

The only negative aspect was again, the way I managed the ‘feel’ of the song. It was meant to be, to quote them, ’seductive’, whereas I took on a more commandeering approach to my interpretation.

Seductive?

Major W-T-F. I don’t do seductive, thank you very much. I scare men away, not draw them to me. (Which perhaps explains why my version was more commanding.) Err, oops.

Ah, well. My chances of entering the semi-finals are as good as gone. I could have stood a pretty good chance if I’ve nailed today’s quarter finals but it so happened that my mind was pretty weak today, letting my nervousness get the better of me. So well, kaput.

I was pretty miffed throughout the entire evening. But hey, it’s another good learning experience, I’d say. (Although it’s pretty sad because once again, the world sees Brenda falling flat on her face during yet another one of her quests to become a singer.)

Honestly, I must admit that last year’s major incident had dented my confidence in my singing abilities by quite a fair bit. To an extent that I’d actually given up altogether and dropped singing for … almost seven months, until I was egged on by some friends to join Virtuoso ‘2009.

It took a hell lot of thought before I actually mustered enough guts to sign up for it. (And start singing again.)

After today, I am not intending to give up all over again. All that energy to regain my confidence shouldn’t be wasted, no? I’m presently harbouring thoughts of singing up with a singing school so that I can learn more.

Meanwhile, I am waiting for that doomed email to fall into my inbox, informing me that ‘Sorry, but you weren’t selected for the semi-finals round. Thank you for your participation!‘

At least I still got this far.

And big thanks to Grace, Liz, Mithi and Lucas for coming down to support me today – although I must apologize for making yer ears bleed for two whole minutes!