What a load of bullcrap.
Attended my gran’s birthday dinner this evening, and managed to piss off almost everyone at the gathering. Moral of the story? Never take a sick, gloomy girl to what is supposed to be a happy gathering. She’d just ruin everything.
Why gloomy?
1) I am still sick.
I relapsed yesterday again. Plus, I am sick and tired of explaining my condition to people. So, I kept to myself as much as possible … apart from talking to my favourite cousin David, that is. In fact, I am also starting to get mildly depressed so … the tendency to occasionally withdraw from people.
2) I am not looking my best in a sea of ‘perfect’ relatives.
My face looks bad right now because of a severe acne breakout. And my relatives in general are PERFECTIONISTS when it comes to skin.
Every single one of them have flawless complexions - even my male cousins. And a pockmark amongst them is typically frowned upon and nagged at. Guess which one got the nagging today?
For the record, I snapped at anyone and everyone who remarked about my oh-so bad complexion. The fact that I was already moody in the first place didn’t help.
Sidenote: If you’ve seen my latest pictures on Facebook and think that what you see contradicts what is stated here … ever heard of Photoshop? ;) (Note: Not full-out Photoshop, of course. I just blank out the more prominent spots off my face.)
3) The conversations going on at the table made me REALLY angsty.
Bollocks to the ‘money makes the world go round’ attitude. The older cousins were basically brainwashing my younger cousin (who is about to start university next year) with the “MONEY IS VERY IMPORTANT!!!!?!!!!!” mentality, which made me want to shrivel up like a prune and break out into a full-fledged allergy reaction to the sheer amount of stupid remarks I had to endure.
Basically, they were egging on my younger cousin to choose a career that will make him rich in the future rather than one that he is interested in. Not to mention applying the economics principle of “make sure you gain more than you invest” in every single decision he makes in university.
Fuck the money.
What is education? It is a learning experience. It’s for self actualization. You learn a shitload of things - from the base curriculum, to other skills such as social skills, presentation skills, confidence, project management skills and yadda yadda. My experience in SMU was an enriching one, so much to an extent that I am extending my course to a four-year one because I liked it. (Even though I had the option to complete it within three years.)
Why? Because you only go to university once. I choose to stay on, take my time and make the most out of my experience there.
Why rush the journey? Do you stand to gain anything? No. Except maybe bad grades (because you just want to get everything over and done with) and … few or no memorable experiences.
I took a course which I enjoy. And I chose to take a double major which is an advancement of my base degree because I like it. Every single moment - I relish thoroughly.
Needless to say, I strongly disagreed with my older cousin when he scoffed at double degrees or double majors, stating that you don’t gain anything from it - about how it’s pointless, and how you’re basically wasting more money on a second degree/major because employees won’t especially hire you because of your double degree/major, neither will you get a higher starting salary than the rest.
Money, money, money. Everything is all about money, isn’t it?
Like I said, fuck the money. You only live once.
So what if you’re rich 30 years down the road? Looking back, will you feel like you’ve lived a fulfilling life? Will you be in a career which you intrinsically enjoy? (i.e. You’re not there only for the money while thinking that the job is a load of bullcrap.) Will you feel like you’ve maximized your potential? Your capabilities?
Think about it.
If you think I am living in my own dreamworld and that in reality, people think that way and only care about earning oodles and oodles of money. Then, you lead a pretty sad life. Really.
I respect people who dare to chase their dreams and pursue their interests. Those who are simply in it for the money with zero interest, I see as the scum of society.
So there.
It’s all about striking a balance. If you land a job which motivates you, and continually gives you renewed interest … which also happens to pay well, then very good for you.
Oh, and not to mention my ultimate argument - money cannot buy health. You may have enough money to see all the doctors in the world but they can’t help you all the time.
Health. I’ve lost mine, and somehow lost all hope of ever getting it back as well considering the events of the past five months. At least I can look back and safely proclaim that I’ve done more or less everything I wanted - from singing/performing onstage (even though it ensued in an ultimate failure, but what the heck), pursuing a course which I have a strong interest in, forged many friendships through projects while weathering thick and thin and learning from the whole experience, and the list goes on and on.
(Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this entry do not apply to people from disadvantaged families or homes.)
Macau Part III is still in the works, so meanwhile - here’s a typical day-to-day entry to fill in the silence. ;)
Was having a fresh relapse two days ago while out shopping at Parkway Parade with Mum, so I was clinging on to her for my dear life as I dangerously tethered my way through the crowd.
Being humans, we STILL had to have dinner - so we dropped by a restaurant before making our way home.
There was a short queue though, so we stood in line - with me still clinging on to my mum’s arm. By the time we got to the front of the line, I was practically sprawling on top of Mum - my head resting on her shoulders (with my back leaning against the wall), and still clinging on to her arm.
Unfortunately, being at the front of the line meant that we were in full view of all the patrons in the restaurant.
“You’re clinging onto me until like that. Later, people might think something is going on between the two of us … they may think we are what? A lesbian couple?” Mum mused.
“Mmmmmhhhmmmm.”
I could barely manage a coherent reply initially but seconds later … decided to put on a dramatic show by attempting to kiss my mum on the cheek in full view of the restaurant. (Yes, it was intentional. ;))
My mum ended up shrieking and shrank back, drawing the attention of quite a few nearby patrons.
“DON’T. DO. THAT! You’re embarassing me!” she yelped.
So much for her being afraid of attracting attention. Hahahahaha.
To think I can still play pranks in the midst of a relapse. Go, me!
I miss Macau already.
Struggled to ease myself back into my usual school routine and the truckload of backlogged work for the whole of today. Was very much tempted to simply sit and stare at the photos I took in Macau but I practically forced myself back work by constantly snapping my wandering mind back to reality.
“Girl ah. This is no longer Macau. You are in friggin’ school, with your butt parked on a friggin’ uncomfortable (but familiar) black chair. And Frou Frou is in front of you. So, go and do your work NOW!”
It worked. I managed to debug all my code in one afternoon. Haha, yay.
Not to mention an upcoming assignment due in four days (which I completely forgot about) and more readings. And when I was doing that former assignment, all I had on my mind was Macau, Macau, Macau.
Gee, what’s wrong with me?
Anyway, I guess it’s time to put school aside and talk about my trip, eh?
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I’ve too many things to talk about, so I’d be splitting the whole Macau trip into a series of entries which will be posted as the days go by. The rest of the entries are already in draft mode.
When people mention Macau, the first thing that comes to mind is … gambling. It figures, considering how Macau has 28 casinos in all and practically every hotel has at least one casino. Our hotel is no different.
There was one extremely big one which took up practically 50% of the ground floor, and it was built in such a way that it was right smack in the middle of the resort premises such that one has to actually walk through the casino in order to reach the lift lobby, to the hotel rooms, or anywhere else for that matter.
And all entry points to the casino were guarded by … well, a guard.
That bright yellow uniform (worn by all security guards in Macau) has become all too familiar to me now. I’ve been stopped and questioned by these yellow-clad nuisances umpteen times because I looked like I was below the age limit for entry to the casino. (18 years old, for your information.)
Like hello? I just want to go to my friggin’ room. Do I look like I’m even remotely interested in your one-armed bandits, roulette and whatsoever crap?
I think I nearly bit the head off at least four security guards. In fact, I recall getting stopped by similarly evil security guards when I tried to enter a casino to look for my mum back when I was 14 on board a cruise ship. That one, I understand - because I was four years below the age limit.
But hello? I’m still getting the same shit at the age of 22?!?
Each time I get stopped, I was torn between laughing out loud or just screaming in frustration. Repeating to multiple, different security guards stopping me at various entry points that “I AM 22 YEARS OLD” gets pretty tiresome after a while.
Was quite tempted to craft out a huge sign that states “I am not below 18!” (In both English and Chinese) and wear it around my neck, so that I would no longer be hassled each time I have to cut through the casino just to get to somewhere else in the resort. But just imagine the potential embarrassment.
For the record, I don’t gamble. And never will.
The casino was quite a sight though. It’s practically a sea of gamblers. And I’ve observed a couple of hard-core gamblers at work as well and discovered why gambling is so addictive - and swore to myself never to be sucked into this black hole.
The casino was swarming with hookers as well, and it seemed like they were targeting mostly men who were alone. My mum and I were practically standing from an elevated area and observing these hookers do their thing. It seemed like they were failing in their bid to lure, because they were getting rejected one by one. (Hehehe.)
On the whole, Macau’s mostly about gambling (for the gamblers), and shopping (for people like me). Photography buffs will also love the place because there is just so much architecture around. Sight-seeing wise, there is nothing much - apart from Senado Square, Macau Fisherman’s Wharf and The Ruins of St Paul’s Church. And perhaps the harbour view.
I will proceed to talk more about all these in the subsequent entries. ;)
Stay tuned for Part II.