Little-Wonder.Net

16 September, 2008

Okay, okay. I’m listening. Happy now?

14:43:30 | Thoughts | Comments Off

(Comments disabled because this is going to be another emo-ish, introspective post which I know nobody will bother reading anyway. Purely written for myself, but if you have anything to say - feel free to email.)

Three days ago, I bumped into a fellow school mate J who, after having seen my Twitter updates regarding my condition and expressed concern, also confessed that he too, was in a similar boat.

We ended up standing in the middle of the school concourse, yakking nineteen to dozen about our symptoms, the many doctors we’ve seen, and the tests we’ve gone through, even to the extent of comparing our diagnoses.

What was strange is that we were never close before. It’s nice to know that I have an ally in this, someone whom I can actually speak to who understands completely without me having to explain every single medical term or whatsoever - although of course, it is not good that someone else is sick too.

Apparently, J started off having the same symptoms as me, and even the same diagnosis initially. Unfortunately, in his case - it escalated into something worse.

It made me worried sick. (Both for him, as well as myself - because I cannot rule out the possibility that things might deteriorate for me too, right? But touch wood, of course.)

And here I was, thinking that this whole thing is something minor. I mean, people get giddy spells every now and then - how bad can it get? Plus, I look well most of the time, such that at first glance, it is hard to tell that there is even anything wrong with me.

It was only when friends started jamming the fact into my head that normal people do not get intermittent symptoms for three months, which was when I finally got off my lazy arse to see the doctor for the first time at the beginning of July.

What drove the point home was when my mum confessed that she worries all night that I may not wake up the next morning.

My initial reaction was … “?!?!?”

Then, I eventually realized that my nonchalance is scaring the pants out of everyone.

Mum has been nagging for the past few months that my priorities are all wrong - that I should be putting my health on top of other things, which is a big mismatch with what I am actually doing - putting my work first, being fully immersed in my studies, school and coding for FYP. Yes, I may be actually enjoying my work, but it’s taking its toll on me, she says.

Of course, I’d love to take some time off my work, but I have responsibilities to uphold - so it’s not easy for me to suddenly drop everything and skive for … a week or something.

At least I’m sitting up and taking notice now, which is a good start, I suppose. Sometimes, it takes people around to make you wake up and realize that things aren’t as peachy as it seems. (All this while, I was in cloud cuckoo land, whining about my symptoms, but thinking at the same time that it’d go away on its own.)

And I promise that if things do not improve further, I’d get up and see the cardiologist again on my own accord - without my mum having to continuously prod my backside with a stick.

I don’t know whether I am overreacting or whether the people around me are overreacting because even my cardiologist seems pretty nonchalant (or maybe he’s jaded already since he has seen worse cases).

Oh, and regarding exercise - J warned me to really take it sloooooooow because I may end up escalating matters if I’m not careful.

Towards the end of our conversation, J asked me - ” So how are you feeling about it?”

I think I must have shot him a pretty puzzled expression because he suddenly stopped to re-clarify his question - “How are you taking all this?”

To be frank, I haven’t really thought about it. (Maybe because I’ve been in cloud cuckoo land all this while, and honestly - I still think that it’s nothing too serious that warrants me worrying about it 24/7, so I try not to think too much about it.)

Even now, I don’t feel … anything different. Perhaps it’s because I’m coming down with various chronic ailments over the past three years that made me jaded and immune to all these already - development of chronic urticaria and asthma in 2005, followed by more and more allergies between 2005 - early 2007, and some weird immune system thingy nearing the end of last year. So, adding on a persistent sinus tachycardia to that list doesn’t seem to make a difference to me.

I’ve no time to sit around and emo anyway.

I’ve a life to live.

And work to do.

Err … oops. Did that just slip out?

17 June, 2008

Hectic, hectic, hectic!

04:56:31 | Daily Life, People, Thoughts | writebacks (3)

Pardon the silence, but things have been pretty hectic ever since I arrived home from Genting Highlands four days ago. (And yes, here I am typing a blog entry at 4.29 A.M. - back to my old ways again, I suppose.)

Am pretty much up to my elbows in FYP. Apparently, those people up there have an axe over our heads now, and I am responding to that with extreme displeasure (and to a certain extent, contempt).

But heck, an agreement is an agreement and so if we are expected to product some results especially by a multinational corporation, we ought to shut up and get it done, no? (But that doesn’t mean we can’t curse and swear behind their backs, though.)

Health wise, it’s taken a nosedive ever since the Genting Trip. Was already experiencing some asthmatic symptoms (chest tightness - especially awaking every morning feeling as though something was crushing my torso) before the trip but things took a turn for the worse after I returned.

Apparently, some idiot (guess which one?) forgot to close the windows in the hotel room during the first night, resulting in yours truly catching a chill and having to wrap herself in two layers of blankets to keep warm, leading to sporadic bouts of sneezing over the next three days in Genting which then escalated into a full-blown cold (thankfully) only after I reached Singapore.

Oh, and in case you were wondering which idiot it was - that idiot was none other than myself. Opened the window to take a peek at the scenery upon checking into the hotel and then forgot to close it thereafter. The things I do to myself, aye?

Anyway, the cold has more or less disappeared, leaving behind bouts of giddiness and still, the same crushing feeling I experience every morning when I awake. Oh, and did I mention that I get breathless easily just by climbing stairs or walking long distances now? And I am sick and tired of squandering my precious allowance on taxi fare just because the bus stop is a rather long walk away from my home - so I forced myself to walk there to catch a bus down to my FYP meeting today. (Or yesterday, rather - since it’s after midnight now.)

Finally managed to spare the time to see my favourite doctor again today - to get more meds (since my monthly supply of lifetime medication was running low) and secondly, to make some noise regarding how I’ve been feeling as of late.

So basically, I’m put back on the stronger meds (Singulair - the ones I always take when I’m nearing or just recovering from an allergy reaction/asthmatic symptoms).

It was just unfortunate that the newbie receptionist had given me the wrong medicine because I suddenly found myself stuck with the cherry flavoured chewable tablet version of my usual medication which, when I researched on the internet, was supposedly meant for kids below the age of fourteen.

The best part? My doctor will be out of town from tomorrow until later in the week … which means I have to wait a while before I can get my correct meds.

Oh, and blood pressure is low again - hence the giddy spells. Am seriously contemplating taking a taxi down to school again later on (providing my finances permit), considering how the sun has been blazing hot as of late and well, I’ve a long walk to the bus stop. :(

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22 May, 2008

Bright, humourous T-shirts

04:54:09 | Thoughts | writebacks (5)

I think I must have taken a friend’s remark of “I dress childishly” a little too much to heart because I suddenly find myself attempting to sell my favourite tees, especially those with the cutest prints (and even those I’ve been hankering after for ages) just because I thought that people will think that they look too ‘childish’.

Thankfully, I stopped myself just in time.

For someone who doesn’t usually give a hoot what other people think, I nearly lost myself entirely there.

I dress this way because it defines me. Bright colours - which define my joie de vivre and zest for life. T-shirts because I am someone who goes for comfort. Funny slogans and humourous prints because that is what I am … a laugh-out-loud joker who specializes in dry and toilet humour. (Hurhurhur.)

I should learn to love myself a little more and stop brooding too much on what people say, aye?

Yes, it’s a judgmental world out there but I am myself in MY life and I intend to portray myself in whatever way I wish.

Feeling a little pukish the past couple of days, not to mention how I nearly fainted in public a handful of days ago. Have no idea what the heck’s wrong with me, considering how I hadn’t ingested anything that’s even remotely out of the ordinary recently.

Argh. Shall stop rambling about my symptoms since doing so will not help take them away anyway.

Grumpy.