Uncertainty.
School has reopened for majority of the students here in Singapore, and I had to bear with the constant whining of my younger cousins who are suffering from the back-to-school blues. Now that I am stuck at home without the need to attend school, I am constantly yearning to be one of those ‘lucky’ students who are currently schooling. I ought to feel lucky, shouldn’t I? Having the opportunity to remain at home for the next six months is definitely a luxury. I have been waiting for this day for the past ten years of my life. But somehow, when the time finally comes, I keep feeling as though something is missing.
And what is missing? Thou may ask. Several things. My schoolmates, my teachers, the constant workload, and just plain ol’ school life as a whole. The hectic lifestyle I experienced last year had become a part of me. Now, all of it is gone apart from the memories of junior college life that remain.
My schoolmates and I have promised to keep in contact, and there is much talk about ‘calling each other out’, ‘occasional SMS-ing’ and yadda yadda. Seriously speaking, I doubt any of these would happen. Apart from my usual group of friends whom I am still in contact with, I haven’t heard from everyone else. Perhaps I ought to make the first move and try to meet up with them, but it’ll definitely be awkward.
Awkward in the sense that most of them have already found jobs and are doing something meaningful with their life at the moment. As for me, I’m still doing nothing.
Yes, you’ve heard right. Absolutely nothing. Yours truly is still jobless, because I do not even know what kind of work I would like to take up. A classmate once told me the following:
“For the past two years, our aim in life was to complete the GCE A’Levels, and the four years before that, to pass the O’Levels. Now that the A’Levels are over, it seems as though we have lost our aim and direction in life. I feel misguided.“
My sentiments exactly. The next few months are definitely uncertain, until the A’Level results are unveiled at least. Would I be able to follow my original plan and stepping into a local university? Or would the A’Level results prove itself to be a disaster, causing my plan to blow up directly in my face?
The answer to that question, I would only know in two months time.
On another note, there are quite a few tasks to accomplish by tonight, so I would most probably be heading right into it after a quick shower. Headed out for some ice cream with my mother after she picked me up from the meeting place. Gelare ice cream. Aahh, an indulgence. Ordered a double scoop cookies and cream ice cream in a cup, and devoured one and a half scoops before flinging the entire cup into the wastebin after realising how much sugar I was ingesting.
That’s me, the health conscious nut.
Now that I have gotten almost everything out of the way, I guess this is now the perfect time to sit down and write about the year 2004 as a whole.
In short, 2004 had been an extremely overwhelming year, a rollercoaster ride full of ups and downs, with moments that fluctuate even more than the current stock market. It had been a test of patience, determination and discipline, as I struggled throughout the entire year to accomplish the main task of a Singaporean student, which to do well in the A’Levels - a true test of perseverance.
It was also a year of several failures, in terms of both academics and sports. For the first time in my life, I represented my college in a national competition and walked away defeated, and not to mention the countless times I had to deal with disastrous results of class tests and semi-major examinations. Being someone who was used to scoring good grades back in Secondary school, this was naturally a huge blow. Many a time, I had contemplated giving up completely , but it was my family and friends who urged me to press on.
In terms of friendship, it had (mostly) been stable. I have forged stronger bonds with my friends around me, and not to mention the many new people whom I have met in year 2 of my junior college life. Although there were several instances where their actions had made me question their friendship, I realised that humans do make mistakes, and I accepted them for who they are. After all, it is relationships with ones’ peers that aid in a person’s development, and these are the people who add colour to my life.
I would remember year 2004 as the year where I fell in love for the first time. Yes, many of you must be thinking: “Brenda? Fall in love? Impossible!” I certainly didn’t expect it as well. Apparently, it didn’t work out since my shy nature had prevented me from voicing out my feelings. Needless to day, I had to bear the discomfort of seeing him going with someone else for quite some time. Currently, I have more or less moved on, and the whole incident had made me stronger in dealing with members of the opposite gender.
The year had also brought about a growing resentment towards my extended family members. Yes, I am indeed someone who is family-oriented. However, increased stressed levels had put me in a crabbier mood and somehow, I developed some sense of hatred towards certain relatives. My paranoia had caused me to believe that their simple acts of concern and kindness were an attempt to control or dictate me, my actions, and the way I lead my life. These feelings of resentment had led to me isolating myself from my extended family for a period of time, until I managed to snap myself back to reality in late November. Now, I feel as though I love my extended family members more than I used to.
As a whole, the beginning of 2004 had seen me in a more joyful mood, which slowly decreased as the year progressed from March to mid-November, and accelerating to the maximum level of happiness by end-November. Throughout the entire year, I had learnt to cherish my friends, noted the importance of motivation, and the importance of not letting pressure affect my performance. I am someone who tends to let emotions take control of me, and several experiences last year enabled me to increase the amount of self-control I have.
All in all, 2004 is without doubt, one of the more memorable years of my life.
Last Thursday was the very last time I would be clad in the uniform of Tampines Junior College, the school which I had grown to know and love throughout the entire past two years. Yes, I admit there were several times where I had complained and whimed about the people and environment of that school. But now upon graduation, I realised that there are actually several things I would definitely miss.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is an example of how one fails to treasure what they already have until they lose it.
Throughout my two years there, I hadn’t really treasured my school and was constantly wishing that I were elsewhere, with a better ranking and school spirit. Now, I realised that Tampines JC isn’t that bad after all. I have met many wonderful people there, whom I would keep in my mind for the rest of my life. Furthermore, I seriously doubt that I would ever, ever come face to face with a better teacher than my Physics tutor Mrs Lim, the most patient and understanding teacher I have ever met.
This makes me wonder. When I had graduated from my Secondary School three years ago, why hadn’t I had the sense of longing? Looking back, I feel as though my four years of Secondary school life hadn’t even happened apart from my most memorable Secondary 3 life. Somehow, despite being there so much longer than in Tampines JC, I hadn’t really grown attached to that school. Perhaps due to the company I had, and how anti-social I had been in the past.
Opening up to more people in Year 1 of my Junior College life seems to have helped me meet more people with the same interests and personality as me. Now I am thankful that I have become more sociable and open minded throughout the duration of the past two years. Otherwise, I would have emerged from Tampines JC back to square one, with no memories apart from the A’Level certificate I would be receiving.
I would definitely miss life in Tampines JC. Although I would still be keeping in touch with all the friends I have made there, life wouldn’t be the same somehow. I would miss the times we would plough the corridors, chit-chatting as we moved from one class to another, the class spirit of 03S09, the numerous school activities we had taken part in, and the list goes on.
So far, I am almost one week into my long holiday, and I have already met up with several close schoolmates, and spent quality time with them. Regina and Steffe last Thursday, Erica from Friday to Monday, Kenneth, Hui Jun and Hui Hua on Tuesday. I definitely wish that this would carry on.
Site Updates: New links have been added into the links section, after discovering several new sites whom I would from now on be visiting daily.