Bright, humourous T-shirts
I think I must have taken a friend’s remark of “I dress childishly” a little too much to heart because I suddenly find myself attempting to sell my favourite tees, especially those with the cutest prints (and even those I’ve been hankering after for ages) just because I thought that people will think that they look too ‘childish’.
Thankfully, I stopped myself just in time.
For someone who doesn’t usually give a hoot what other people think, I nearly lost myself entirely there.
I dress this way because it defines me. Bright colours - which define my joie de vivre and zest for life. T-shirts because I am someone who goes for comfort. Funny slogans and humourous prints because that is what I am … a laugh-out-loud joker who specializes in dry and toilet humour. (Hurhurhur.)
I should learn to love myself a little more and stop brooding too much on what people say, aye?
Yes, it’s a judgmental world out there but I am myself in MY life and I intend to portray myself in whatever way I wish.
Feeling a little pukish the past couple of days, not to mention how I nearly fainted in public a handful of days ago. Have no idea what the heck’s wrong with me, considering how I hadn’t ingested anything that’s even remotely out of the ordinary recently.
Argh. Shall stop rambling about my symptoms since doing so will not help take them away anyway.
Grumpy.
Been thinking a lot recently.
And unfortunately, thinking too much isn’t good - because I find myself getting angry at things that happened many years ago.
People who know and fully understand me (I can only name a few whom I completely bare my true self to - Terra, Grace, Liz, Mithi and Steffe) would know very well that I am someone who is extremely protective of my personal identity and image, and fiercely proud of who I am.
Unfortunately, it also means that I may pick on any harmless remark as an insult to my character, as some people may have experienced first hand. Still trying to change this aspect, because I actually start to frighten everyone away.
However, there are some things that dwindle in my mind far too often.
If you must know, yes - I bear grudges. I can hold a grudge against a person for years and years, and it’ll be a long time before I can become truly close to that person all over again. I may still behave all chummy with that person, though I keep a distance from them emotionally.
I don’t bear grudges over small little nitty gritty things.
Which means that if it so happens that any unpleasant encounter stays in my memory to an extent that it can be replayed so vividly - with the propensity of igniting anger in me all over again, it means that the person involved has gone too far.
I shall not name all of these encounters, although I may relate a couple most distinct ones.
The idiot who lectured me on my choice of course sometime in mid 2005. Someone who barely knows me and still dares to question my choice of future career, insinuating that I am not fulfilling my duty of caring for my parents in the future just because I am choosing a future based on my own happiness rather than one that makes the most money. The idiot who insisted that everyone should be going into medicine just because doctors make the most money, and that IT is just a rubbish course that will soon be going down the drain because the IT industry is dying and blah dee blah.
The entire paragraph above, ladies and gentlemen - came out in less than one minute, which explains the extent of my fury.
That idiot has known me for barely half an hour, and already he is flinging insults like nobody’s business. The best part - he wishes to debate on the future of the IT industry? Sure, I am willing to take him on. However, I don’t see how a one-sided speech can be considered a debate. Each time I tried to get a word in, he’d simply cut me off and accuse me for not listening to whatever logic he’s trying to drill in my head. Like seriously, what the fuck?
Materialistic, money-minded bastard.
I’ll have you know that having more interest and fulfillment in the path I choose to take, to me, means that all the more I’ll be willing to do my job well, which drives my determination to fight my way to the top. In fact, I am so happy with my life (and my achievements thus far) in my choice of course right now, that I’m very tempted to hunt that person down just to go “PAH!” in his face.
I find myself pretty helpless when faced with close friends who are presently going through emotional roller-coasters in their lives.
Helpless in the sense that I am unable to offer any form of comfort or words of wisdom. Heck, I’m very much clueless when it comes to matters of the heart, so I just can’t see myself in the position to offer any advice. (I may just end up making things worse by opening that mouth of mine - which usually has my foot in it.)
I think most of my friends know this, as they rarely approach me when it comes to these things. Although I can sympathize with others’ situations or try to put myself in their shoes, I can never offer good advice.
I may listen to you rant but remain silent - not because I am not listening. I am taking in every single word, every single detail. I just do not have enough past experience or expertise to comment, although you know that you can always count on me for emotional support.
What I can give is a big fat hug and my companionship.
And little meaningful gestures such as flowers or balloons. They are meant to symbolize that you will always have me, and I will always be here for you.
And to my close friends who are reading this - remember that Brenda always loves you. (:
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On a lighter note - one final paper down, one more to go.
So far so good, considering that huge bump that took place prior to this. I initially thought my Networking paper was supposed to be on Monday (today) and my Psychology paper, on Thursday. It turned out to be the other way round.
Much thanks to the individual who brought it to my awareness three days ago - otherwise I would be oh-so screwed.
Oh, and cramming one huge textbook worth of information within two days is not an easy task.
Still, I walked out of the exam room beaming.