Little-Wonder.Net

18 September, 2006

Not retaliation, but…

23:29:52 | Thoughts | writebacks (7)

This is in response to a particular comment two entries before this one.

Of course, in my current state, the presence of such comments is simply adding oil to the fire. However, I chose not to react negatively. I am still contemplating whether the person had written that comment out of scorn or concern, and I will leave that up to you to decide.

What I have to say is simply this.

Even if nature didn’t require me to be a good student, a singer, or whatsoever, at least I do not simply sit back and accept my fate.

Yes, I may not be as smart as the several Einsteins out there. However, it is all about channelling yourself perform at your personal best, even though you may pale in comparison to other people.

Every individual has their own aspirations and goals, like I do. At least I give my best effort, even though the route is tough sometimes.

I may whine and complain about the stresses I am facing in my daily life. But that is what my journal is for. To vent out my personal frustrations and thoughts based on what I encounter every single day.

In fact, very single whim and complaint that I have is part of a learning experience. Even though I know that something is beyond my grasp, I challenge myself to go further. That is how a person develops both mentally and emotionally.

Even if I fall short of my goal eventually, at least I can sit back in satisfaction knowing that I have tried.

Despite the hecticness that befall me in the route I chose - which is to challenge myself to go further and to give my best in everything I do, I derive happiness in the form of personal accomplishments.

Neither do I neglect my social life, nor my health. In fact, my family and friends come in at top priority, followed by education in second place.

I hope I’ve made that clear, because the recent entries in this journal seem to suggest otherwise.

I do not view myself as a “frustrated and swearing sad sod”. Yes, there are times where I feel frustrated, and there are times where I also swear. But, these are emotions that everyone goes through at some stage in their lives, and it so happens that I had fallen within this stage at the moment.

Ah well, at least that comment enabled me to look back and reflect a little. Although I must say that I certainly do not appreciate people passing judgements based on my writing, without knowing me better as a whole person.

Meanwhile, I shall revert back into vocal-training mode for the auditions the day after tomorrow. ;) Whee.

22 August, 2006

Personality analysis.

23:59:18 | Thoughts | writebacks (9)

Okay. Back to school. Back to reality.

Surprisingly, I seem to be regaining my momentum. I am already reverting from the ‘lay back with the can’t-be-bothered attitude Brenda’ to the ’scurrying around at high speed and whipping herself back into academic shape Brenda’.

All within the span of a single day. Sometimes I wonder where I get my motivation from. But all that’s good, right?

Anyway, on to another topic.

There are times where I seem to give off the impression that I am aloof, distant, or downright arrogant. Or perhaps these are a few ways which I perceive myself to be.

Yes, I know that there are times where I can be extremely harsh, snappish, and perhaps, with the tendency to give one-word retorts towards ordinary conversations. However, I implore to those concerned not to take it to heart - because yours truly is just by nature, a temperamental person.

When I snap, there can only be these few reasons.
a) There is something on my mind that is getting me down. (50% of the time.)
b) I am busy to the extent of a nervous breakdown. (25% of the time.)
c) A reflex action - since I am used to being dull, moody and jaded to an extent that I tend to do it subconsciously even when I am supposedly more joyful. (20% of the time.)
d) I just don’t like you. (5% of the time.)

Why the sudden entry about my less-than-desirable personality?

A couple of months ago, I’ve accompanied my mother to an optician downtown. Apparently, one of the staff at the optician’s clinic had observed my behaviour, the way I conducted myself, and the way I adviced my mother regarding certain issues regarding eyecare and the aesthetics of eyewear.

As my aunt visits the same optician, the same staff member who knew that I was related to her, proceeded to enlighten my aunt with her perception of me.

Apparently, the staff member thought that I was a law student.

“Why?” Enquired my aunt.

“She seems speak in a rather authoritative and self-confident manner, which seems to show that she is someone who shows that she has her own freedom of speech … … Furthermore, she has no regard for status, because she a person who speaks her mind.”

I was rendered speechless when my mother related the above conversation to me.

“And by the way, she makes a pretty good lawyer.”

“No, she is in IT,” was my aunt’s stunned response.

Don’t worry, my dear aunt. Brenda here is as stunned as you. Shocked, more like it. I mean, it is nice to know that someone deems me as self-confident, because almost everyone knows that I have one of the lowest morales and self-confidence levels in the world.

Rather I wasn’t too happy with the word ‘authoritative’ used on yours truly, because it was never my intention to portray myself in the form of arrogance. Temperament seems to be misunderstood as arrogance all too often - I understand, but unfortunately, temperament seems to be inherent in my personality already.

Someone who shoes no regard for status? Yes, that one I wholly admit that it is true.

And no. Sad to say, I am not a law student. I do not have the calibre to qualify myself for law - because my A’level results was crap. Furthermore, I can barely make a speech in front of a class full of students without stammering.

And somehow, if the staff member seems to profile a law student as being authoritative, harsh, and shows disregard for status, she is portraying all the law students out there in a very bad light.

Stereotypes. Tsk tsk.

09 May, 2006

Our local media.

14:13:58 | Thoughts | writebacks (14)

Now that the General Elections (GE) in Singapore are over, I guess I can start whining now, non?

And why am I whining about it only now? Because us Singaporean bloggers have been strictly warned against writing anything politics-related, or any entries supporting any of the parties involved in the elections. And that all local politics-related weblogs had to be registered.

So much for a country that claims itself to be pro- freedom of expression, huh?

And so, I was literally forced to shut up.

Devoid of any form of expression on my main venting ground with regard to such issues, the people in my family were forced to bear with the sound of yours truly ranting about literally every single GE-related article in the newspapers for the past two weeks.

What I am going to write about is not directly related to any of the parties involved, namely, A, B, C and D, with A being the most dominant party in Singapore, and B, C and D being the opposition parties.

See? I even have to force myself to give different symbols representing the parties just to prevent myself from getting sued or squeezed dry by interrogations.

Ah, whatever. What I am about to whine about is about the MEDIA. Most particularly, our local newspapers.

One word I can use to describe it - utterly one sided.

Of course, with A existing in Singapore throughout it’s early years, the party that practically moulded Singapore into the way it is now, and the fact that it virtually forms the whole of our Singapore government, automatically grants it lots of control and several more rights than any others.

But apparently, they are directing their control somewhere else, which is the control of the local citizens’ minds. And this is through strict control of what appears on the local newspapers throughout the General Election period.

For complicated reasons, the newspapers just can’t seem to mantain an objective coverage of the GE as a whole. It was heavily slanted towards the side of A. And I’ve heard several remarks about our local media publishing only what our government wants to read, and hell, I wholly agree with it.

In fact, any thinking person would have already easily detected that by now.

Every morning, I awake to find more hypocritical articles in the newspapers. Apparently, there were too many issues between the four parties in the early stages before the General Election period, and the articles were always revolving around B this, C that, D something else and so on.

And in this context, the ‘this’, ‘that’ and ’something else’ have negative connotations attached to them. If I had a dollar for each accusation I’ve read towards the three opposition parties in the past few weeks, I would be a millionaire by now.

However, there wasn’t a single article that revolves around A this, or A that, even though my relatives could name plenty when questioned.

So, by making the opposition look bad in the local media, thinking that Singaporeans haven’t got the brains to think for themselves, does that boost the chances of the dominant party in the election?

Apparently, it has.

And I’m highly disappointed. In both the non-thinkers, as well as our media, for so willingly succumbing to the forces of the higher beings on our minds, rendering us helpless and incapable of thinking clearly about what we really want.

In the meantime, I will be viewing our local paper as a biased, one-sided tabloid that is incapable of delivering both sides of the story on local politics, or anything related to our country. It’s utterly disappointing, how such a highly locally widespread newspaper can be devoid of any form of objective standard, and degrade itself to the point of brainwashing.

And in case anyone was wondering, I am supporting one of them opposition parties.

And I know I am being terribly vague in this entry. Mainly because I don’t wish to put myself at risk of being bashed and whalloped by any A-supporters or any higher beings. Furthermore, I am putting the effort ro censor myself before the censors get to me.

Of course, I have plenty more to say, more than I can ever squeeze into a mere journal entry. A thousand more issues to address.

But because of the strict rules enforced on the freedom of self-expression (spot the irony there?), I guess I will resort to screaming at my wall for now.